You probably had a normal Monday. You got up, gave some ham slices to the cat, started your workday. You took a break, checked Twitter and Wonkette, gave some ham slices to the cat, went back to work. Maybe you ordered lunch takeout from a local eatery you like. You watched your shows last night while casually giving ham slices to the cat, and you fell asleep. Besides how you gave the cat at least 34 ham slices, which is way too many, you are normal.
Jerry Falwell Jr., though. Apparently he was busy deleting this on Monday, from where he had posted it on Instagram this weekend, we guess, until people started noticing it. This is not normal.
OK, you fucking nerd.
If your worldview is so weird that you are concerned with us knowing that you only have “black water” in your glass, instead of telling us why your pants are unzipped and you are showing us your quarantine belly and your upper pubic mound region, which is covered by some kind of stupid underwear thank God, your worldview is fuckin’ weird.
There is also video, of Jerry’s party on the yacht, which was apparently a “Trailer Park Boys” party:
Isn’t that cute? They are all holding unlit cigarettes and pretending to be on “Trailer Park Boys”!
TBH, if they were cooler and wanted to do a Canadian-TV-show-themed party, they would just do “Letterkenny.” We still might end up seeing Jerry’s upper pubic mound, but …
As Relevant magazine reports, soon after the picture of Jerry’s Great Big Upper Pubic Mound started going around, Malachi O’Brien, a fellow of the Falkirk Center think tank Jerry Falwell and Turning Point USA dork Charlie Kirk started in their mom’s basement, tweeted about how that was def not Jerry’s Upper Pubic Mound:
And then everybody was like “yes it is” and O’Brien came back with this tweet, agreeing that yes it is, though he was SORE OFFENDED how people were using it to imply that Jerry Falwell Jr., who probably by himself has driven more people away from God than most living Christians, was doing something “ungodly”:
I deleted after I got more context on the photo. It was Jerry, so I was wrong.
It was a photo taken out of contex… https://t.co/c7277kDRs9
— Malachi (@Malachi)1596464770.0
So this is all cute. We wonder what Liberty University’s policy on drinking “black water” with your upper pubic mound flying in the wind is. We bet it’s not allowed. We bet you’d get in big trouble and have to go get spanked by Big Jerry if you got caught at Liberty University doing that. (NOTE: We do not know if Big Jerry has ever personally spanked a Liberty U student, and neither do you.)
If you’re remembering the whole saga of Donald Trump’s pal Jerry Falwell Jr. and some kinda RACY PHOTOS, which former Trump lawyer Michael Cohen allegedly helped get rid of for poor Jerry, allow us to dredge up old dirt.
You see, ALLEGEDLY, back in 2015, Cohen had to do fixer stuff for Jerry Falwell Jr., because ALLEGEDLY somebody had some “racy photos” of him, the kind that you’d want to keep “between husband and wife,” according to Cohen, who spilled the dirt to Tom Arnold. “I actually have one of the photos,” said Cohen to Arnold. “It’s terrible.” Note he did not say “sexy” or “ooh-la-la!” He said “terrible.”
The Falwells of course denied it, because a godly man like that wouldn’t ever have photography of a sin-type manner, definitely not with somebody/ies who wasn’t his wife. Cross his heart and hope to die! As Wonkette said at the time:
Now, we should obviously — obviously — point out that Jerry Falwell Jr. is a paragon of biblical heterosexual Christian morality — NO, HEAR US OUT! — and therefore we should start from the assumption that probably the pictures were of Jerry doing traditional matrimonial P-in-Vs with his wife and definitely nobody else is in the room and they are covered by a very large quilt that depicts scenes from the crucifixion of Christ, but definitely not the resurrection, because you can’t say “resurrection” without “erection” or slippery-sloping yourself into dirty jokes about “on the third day he ROSE AGAIN,” get it, get it, get it?
Also those pics of Jerry at the very gay-friendly nightclub in Miami are NOT REAL and also FAKE!
Anyway, just wanted to dredge up all that garbage, in case you forgot, so that you remember it in the context of Jerry’s upper pubic mound appearing on Instagram and then disappearing as quickly as it came.
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